well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
