What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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