she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
