i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
