I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
