y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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