I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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