i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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