His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
