the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
