I'm passing your future prison.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
and you fell through a lawn chair
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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