Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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