Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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