Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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