real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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