Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
