I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
