she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
