You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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