she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
