it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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