Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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