Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
