dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize