Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
