I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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