I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
