I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
