this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
