umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
