Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
