So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
