And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
