Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
