hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
