im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize