so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
