So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
