I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
