I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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