im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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