You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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