we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
