we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
