Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize