We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
