Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
