I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
