were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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