the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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