I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We named our party play list daddy issues
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
