Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
