you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
