She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
