I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
