I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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