just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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