Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
