im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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