using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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