Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
