she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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