I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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