She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
