elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize