i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
