He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
